4. Love and Mmmmmmmm …

Mmmmmmmmmmmm!

Get your tea and biscuits ready!

So today, I’m sat in a coffee shop, caramel slice and pot of tea at the ready with a massive grin on my face. God, I love caramel! #coffeeshopwa***r

I am the happiest I’ve been in a long time.

A vast contrast from my last blog post eh?! By the way, I’ve gone over the atrocious, emotionally induced spelling and grammar that must have made reading … Interesting!

Don’t get me wrong, the mental detox that’s been going on has been exhausting, filled with sleepless nights, anxiety lash outs and bouts of tears. It’s all been worth it though. It’s meant that I’ve been able to follow Plan D quite nicely. For those of you just jumping in on this post (and for me to have a handy recap) plan D simply put is:

Stop lying about how you feel
Make changes to your work/life balance
Give something back
Stop being self-critical

Do you know what, on the whole, it’s not perfect but it ain’t bad either!

I’ve got a lot out of my system over the past two/three months. It may sound like a short space of time, but being away from work has really helped, giving me breathing space to actually THINK and more importantly, take action on those thoughts.

I’ve focused a lot of weeding out negative thoughts and putting plans in place to remove the habit – in my next few blog posts I’ll show you what I’ve been doing and see which ones have worked. In the meantime though, I’ve stopped lying about how I feel, which in itself feels like I’ve had the biggest colonic irrigation known to man (seriously try it if you’ve never had it done, it’s just reminded me I’m due!).  I’ve also been less self-critical and focused on things I’m good at – small thing, big change.

The house (aggghhhh!) has taken much more shape and is no longer a constant nag in the back of my head. We’ve removed the need for all contact with an overbearing and busy-bodied neighbour, completed tasks that will make our lives easier and drew a line under the unnecessary need to feel everything should’ve been done yesterday.

Something has clicked where I’ve stopped putting pressure on my self to complete things, I’m also listening to my body a lot more and stopping before I get myself into a mental cyclone. The result? I’m much more calm, less stressed and much happier. Think Bjork, meets Enja.

I’ve written another three posts that have got a lot of things out of my system and allowed me to make a bit more mind-peace with my brother, work and adopting some coping mechanisms when I think or take myself to dark places. Admittedly though I’m a bit too scared to share these just yet. I don’t know if I’m ready to put all of that “out there”. Sorry for being quiet! Although I’m really touched and spurred on by the wonderful people who have chased up another blog post.

Doing all of this has also given me chance to focus on what is really good and think about the Mmmmmmm word.

Mmmmmmmmm … Marriage.

My friends and family most probably can’t count the times where I’ve said I’m not the  “marrying type”.

Much to John’s despair, marriage, for us at least, used to be a far distant idea that other people had until I surprised him and got down on one knee! (Proper traditional babes and yes, if anyone says the two knees jokes again … 🙄)

Focussing on what is good in my life made me realise that John plays a leading role. He’s the star that takes you on the adventure, making you laugh, cry, get angry, cheerlead for, sing-a-long with, poke fun, be mischievous with, see the world and offer a completely different point of view that never fails to surprise.

Mmmmmmmmmushy! But true.

Question: Why wouldn’t you want to marry a person who has all of the above plus has supported you through everything you can possibly imagine – even if sometimes you’re a little bit crazy and hard to understand? Answer: You’ve finally worked out what is important, now get on with it!

What I’m trying to say is that I’ve lost sight, too easily about what is actually important, what makes us healthy both physically and mentally. More importantly appreciating who compliments, and adds to everything that is right with your life.

Thank you, John. I love you.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmarriage!

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